Bavarian Cheddar

    As a healthy, protein maxxinista, I'm always conscious about what I eat. That's what led me to this fun and super yummy cheese recipe. My normal lunch would be one hundred Kraft singles. Until one day, while having trouble with an extra tricky wrapper, I had the thought that there must be an easier way to get my required daily pound of cheese. Now, I can enjoy fresh Bavarian cheddar cheese without the hassle of undoing all the individual plastic casings and I can't wait to share how with you!

    "Happy belly, Happy Liam" has always been a personal mantra of mine ever since it was passed down to me by a wooden kitchen sign in a Temu ad. That's why I cut all dairy besides cheese out of my diet. This Bavarian cheddar is extremely personal to me, although I don't have any German ancestry myself it feels like something that could have been in my family for generations. But just wait because the journey to get this recipe is so much wackier. 

    Before we dive into the nitty gritty though I must address something published about my cheese making operation. Quite simply you have all been told a series of fantastic lies. None of my workers were harmed in a way that I wouldn't harm myself. They were fine when they left work. As a show of good will and a form of unnecessary reparations I gave a sizable sum to the bereaved family members of all those affected. This matter is officially closed.

    What makes cheese so wonderful is that it can be adapted to any season. Cheese on a burger during your summer barbecue, a little cheddar mixed into your hearty bowl of chili in the winter. or a light brie for your spring picnic. Is Cheese always the answer? It's the only one I got! That's a common joke you hear at cheese expos and I think we can all see why. It's always en vogue no matter the season like the latest TV show, which is currently Widow's Bay. It's more of a, "hey wait a minute, I get that one," kinda humor, but it's tough getting one passed an experienced TV watcher like me. And I'm glad that the spooky parts of the show aren't scary enough to keep me up all night. 

    You literally never know where your next recipe will come from. This one came from David, who was my pervy underling at an old job before becoming the last living employee of my cheese empire. He would do anything to get a moment of attention from me, until I had to tell him if he wants attention he should become a more interesting well-rounded person like me. Travel, read books, go to the theater, anything besides droning on about the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. One distant Thursday afternoon, he gave me quite a surprise when he announced his upcoming plans.

I'm hittin it all this Oktoberfest, das Munich is my first stop.

Better phone ahead and have them warn the women folk.

Yeah warn em they're about to have their hearts broke.

Whatever you say you monster.

    I had no idea this flippant exchange with my offensive coworker David would lead to my discovery of the perfect Bavarian Cheddar recipe that I'm excited to be sharing with you today. Nobody would ask David about his trip when he returned after three weeks. This louse started dropping hints by having a different six pack of German beer for lunch every day. I walked in on him hugging the toilet bowl and as an empath I could sense something was wrong. I finally bit and in a consolatory fashion I asked about his trip. He went on and on about drinking until he couldn't see and the depraved things he would do at night, on and and on... Then he stopped and his mouth started to water. "There was a man, I think, who gave me the recipe to the perfect cheese." After an hour trying to coax it out of him, David finally told me how to make the perfect Bavarian Cheddar.

So, without further ado...

Recipe 

    Prep time: Varies

    Difficulty: Beginner